Friday, September 20, 2013

Happy Birthday Hudson

As much as I prepared mentally and emotionally for last week, it took me just as much by surprise. Who knew anniversaries and first birthdays could be so hard? I didn't.

I answered the "how are you doing" question fairly bluntly; at least for those that I thought could handle my answer. I have a tendency to respond to questions in a way that gives me a deer in the headlights look in return.

"It feels like the same pain and grief, only this time there isn't the shock."

A little dose of shock makes anything a tad easier to handle!

I was quite happy to be able to recognize little Hudson, and thrilled that my friends, family and people I didn't even know that well were remembering him that day too. I felt loved and I felt like Hudson was loved. What more could a momma want?

Hudson's birthday of course marked the beginning of my journey towards Hudson's Bands of Hope. I left the hospital that day wearing a hospital band that I had NO clue would become so important. Honestly, helping others was the furthest thing from my mind at the time, but I believe God began weaving the passion for this ministry into my heart even then.

I am forever grateful that God saw fit to use Hudson's short life to impact others. I sure am proud of my little boy!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Forever Faithful One

The sweetest old man came up to me to ask about the bracelets. I didn't know him and was a bit confused as to what interest he might have in this ministry. I listened as he explained why he wanted a bracelet...

"My wife and I lost a baby boy over 60 years ago. Sometimes I come home and she's sitting in the chair crying over him even today."

My heart broke for this man and woman. He still watches as his wife grieves a loss over 60 years old! He assured me how much the bracelet would mean for her because she doesn't really have anything to remember the baby by.

When does the healing come? Does it? What is it supposed to look like? How long does grief last?

Gosh, I wish I knew.

My very short experience with this has left me with my own thoughts...

There's never a point in time that you are completely "healed" and grief can last forever. The good news is some healing does come and grief changes shapes, forms and appearances. Literally.

Peace from the good Lord above is your best bet. It's what I've leaned on, clung to, prayed for and cherished in my moments of severe weakness.

The situation never becomes less sad or OK. Time and peace are what make a difference.

I have a pretty simple mind so comparing and contrasting makes a lot of sense to  me. Just like I was in elementary all over again...

Scar tissue will eventually cover that ugly battle wound and it will become less evident over time. But if that old wound gets agitated just the right way it can hurt and hurt bad.

My heart sunk into my stomach as I was unexpectedly  reminded, just now, of the lyrics to the song that held me together nearly a year ago.

"Even if the healing doesn't come
 Life falls apart
 and dreams are still undone
 You are God... You are good...
 Forever Faithful One
 Even if the healing doesn't come..."

I know I've shared this song on here before, but I had to again.

The words meant a lot to me then as I realized my life and dreams had fallen apart. Now, not only do the lyrics take me back to the emotion, it's another set of words that strike me...

"Even if the healing doesn't come"

A few days shy of a year later and wow. The healing really doesn't come. I guess I never thought then about what this song would mean to me in a year's time.

"You are God... You are good...
Forever Faithful One"

That is the line that holds it all together. Whether right now or 20 years down the road it is those words that will never change in significance.