Instant tears today as the sweet lady on the other end of the phone says, "So you have a history of perinatal death and pregnancy loss. Is that correct?"
Woah.
Not that what she said was incorrect. Those facts are just so harsh. I did manage to hide my tears and cracking voice from this stranger.
She trailed on with what she was saying as I sat... frozen, trying to process how I, of all people could be classified that way. I can't hardly read the words I just typed without shedding a tear. Will these facts ever quit taking my breath away?
Amazing how you can be about your daily grind and there it is... out of nowhere, an attack, an ambush of reality. You better bet, for the rest of the day my mind will be lingering on these thoughts... still trying to figure out how I am that person.
I would like to know, what are the reality checks that sink you deep into emotion? Please feel free to comment below. I am sure that we all have more in common than we think.
Thank you for letting me "journal" to you today.
Yesterday in the car with my parents we were talking about dogs and all of a sudden my dad says he'd like another baby in the family. That was it. I fought tears as my chest constricted.
ReplyDeleteI have never found the words to tell my dad about Sammy. My mom knows but not my dad. I know he obviously didn't mean anything and probably wouldn't have thought twice about the comment even if he knew...he never says anything trying to hurt someone. But it hurt.
I keep waiting for the words to come as they did with my mom. I want my dad to know that he has another grandchild. Sammy just lives in Heaven. That's my reality. I have a baby...Sammy Lou. The one thing I've always wanted. Sammy simply lives in Heaven.